I have 9 days left before my departure for New Zealand and it is hard to explain my current state of emotions at this point of time.
These recent weeks have been pretty stressful with making arrangements for packing, trying to decide what to bring in one suitcase (a very tough decision, let me tell you), travelling arrangements in New Zealand, having farewell dinners with family and friends and stressing myself out with a lot of “what ifs”.
Sometimes when I get really emotional, I think to myself that this must be the reason why work holiday visas have an age limit..because is it just me or is it just that much harder to leave when you are older? Maybe it is easier to adjust to uncertainties and leaving your loved ones when you are younger but I am afraid that despite my adventurous spirit, I am finding out that I have my weak moments too.
Stressing out over the uncertainty have been a constant with me these last few months. As the day gets closer though, the worries come overwhelmingly to me.
Did I make the correct choice in leaving behind my potential career pathway? Will I be able to survive in a whole new foreign environment? Will I be able to find a job soon enough to sustain myself for my stay there? Will I even have enough money to survive? Why did I even decide to go in the first place? So many doubts..so little answers..
With each purchase that I make for this trip, I agonise over the decision for a long time, days or weeks even, with the thought of my limited funds.
Some are not a necessity but they make me feel happy so I buy them anyway. Some I ponder for a long time because I am not familiar with the conditions overseas.
Am I such a worrywart to be worrying excessively and thinking too much over making decisions?
It’s 1am here and I am just penning down my thoughts because the worry gets to me at such times and I cannot sleep entertaining these thoughts.
As the day gets nearer, I hope that I would be able to get settled soon..ok, i do feel a bit better now. I shall go off to sleep, goodnight!